Those Little Things...

  The past has always a way in conjuring up an effort to taunt, haunt or rather bother you. It's those simple, little things that makes your heart skip a beat, trust mii, it really messes up your whole day. Well, for mii, the past has been long forgotten, in fact, I'm coping so much better with all the stress compared to a year ago. Time just flies by, and in a blink of an eye, 2 years passed by just like that.

  Dullness isn't really a factor for mii these days, I mean in relationship wise though. Vivid memories just scanned through my thoughts at times, but that's just that. For mii it was an achievement, but through that achievement, I've lied to myself countless times on reality. Deep down that smile portrayed on my face, deep down that happy laughter, deep down to the core of my heart, I am still no other than that person 2 years ago. Lies are the only way to keep mii surviving, to keep mii moving, to push mii through my life. Lies, are they actually my life-line, or a self-destructing drug pondering on limited time?

  Back to the fact that little things conjure up a whorl-full of memories, they just pop out of no where. There're just, they're just there you know, you'll never expect them. Little things such as gifts, places that you once visited with the one you loved, upcoming occasions which used to be so special or even small chats about the person you once loved. All these they have the ability, or rather tendency to make you plunge right back into memory lane, blaming yourself for all those things which could be done, and things that you could have done better. For many it would seem meaningless, for some they think it's just minor and needs sorting out and for some, they think the reason for not forgetting is that you can't let go.

  Truth is, I can't really let go of everything just like that. Some things just mean too much to mii, and it means even more when only then you realise everything was your fault at that time. People can talk all they want, but when reality kicks in, speech is nothing but a way of making a theoretical statement. Living that life is really what matters most.

  But I do take that letting go is the main answer to all my problems, and let go I have. For mii, letting go means being able to accept the way things are, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to get back in good terms and good communications with the latter. In fact, I know that if I do, I'll never have the chance to ever let go, never will this heart die loving even till this day. Many may see it superficially, but few could ever understand that feeling burning deep down inside mii. Today, I plunged myself once again into deep thoughts due to those little things, but that's all. It ends in my thoughts, because it's always gonna be a new day tomorrow and the next day even. Life just has to go on.

  Once in a while, you may feel depressed, you may feel hurt thinking back of all your past, but once in a while, you too may feel the warmth, the laughter and the happiness you once shared with the person you loved.  That said, I felt happy most of the time being able to share such an experience with such a wonderful person. It's just that some of those times, when you see your friends mangling around with the latter, you feel a sense of left out, left out because what was once yours has now become something you couldn't join in the fun with. It's not about letting go, it's about you unable to understand how such a promising relationship could go so horribly wrong, ending up in such devastating circumstances.

  Anyway, wandering around in your thoughts isn't going to change anything, in fact it makes your life miserable. Hence, now and then, it's just recap and go. Life isn't gonna wait for anyone, and that means anyone. A special occasion is coming up, and I would like to indirectly wish an early Happy Birthday in advance. It's sad that I couldn't full-fill my promises, and I'm sorry everything turned up the way we wouldn't want it to be,  but life's just so unpredictable, you'll never know what'll happen next. And of course, recap and go, signing off here will mean an end to my memory lane and back to reality, for now that is. All I hope is that the 'mii' in another world, would do so much more better for you right now. Given yet another chance, things would be so much more different... ^-^

Signing off,
Nickel Low CJ

Trust, merely a word with no meaning...

 It's been a long time since I last updated my blog, well mostly coz it's been so hectic lately. Exams, tests, assignments, and studies to cope for, it really takes up a lot of your life. And with the final exams round that freaking corner, life doesn't seem to get any better.

  Well, a little here and a little there, weekends have now becomes a burden to mii. What used to be so enjoyable has now become damn boring. It's not about studies, no, but it's about wrong choices and steps taken in life. Hence starts with a little thing call trust. We humans are very vulnerable to trust. We tend to trust someone whom we think had earned your trust, but then comes the devastating blow where they shun their backs on you, leaving you out and well, you get my point.

  To mii, trust has now turned an evil word. It destroys people's lives, hurt one's feelings and crushes the hopes you pour onto that person. And trusted this person I did, regretting the moment I opened up my heart to this person. Well, I will not reveal the person mentioned, but seriously, this person has gotten onto my nerves. I used to post on FB, trying to express my feelings towards that person, hoping for a change from that person, but to no avail. Some of my friends came up to mii, told mii to quit posting on FB, and adviced mii to express this through my blog, and here I am hammering away at my keyboard with a burdened heart.

  I've hated this place ever since things turned out badly between mii and my ex, everything seemed wrong and not in place. And when I had no where to go, I poured trust on the latter, hoping to ease off some of my problems.Well, till now I don't know whether it's done on purpose or the latter took a wrong step, I was left out from possibly everything! This wasn't the first time the latter has done this to mii, in fact, it was like a selfish habit centered only on their own. It was a challenge for mii, the fact that I had to endure over and over again of the actions from the latter. Devastated, hurt and dissapointed by those actions, I kept that all to my own. It was hard at first, I even stopped talking to the latter, but then it is still that little faith and that thing called friendship that is keeping things from falling apart. Due that, I've forgiven the latter.

  However, what makes things seem unforgivable is that the latter still acts like there was nothing wrong with those actions, still bossing around and till now, still lacks an apology to add. But I'll still swallow all that none sense in despite all that, coz the biggest possible lost was to lose this old friend. What makes mii felt left out due to those actions were during weekends, watching the latter with those bunch of 'selected' people having activities to attend to, and not even asking out for lunch or dinner. I've been with this friend for such a long time now, and it really burns deep inside your heart with what the latter has done to mii. Till now, I kept asking myself, 'Was I not good enough till I was left out of all this?'. The reasons in reply were 'I thought... I thought.... I thought.....', but till now, my so-called good friend couldn't even care to call mii in to join them. Deep down, I know there IS a reason I was left out, it was perfectly planned as some others were not called in too. Well, i guess we're just not good enough that's all.

  Sitting alone wondering every minute kept my mind occupied with all sorts of thoughts and questions. Now, there was no more 'togetherness' in us, there was no more 'we'. All that's left was 'I' and 'You'. To make things worst, the latter every now and then finds mii only when situations are beneficial, and when there wasn't, I wasn't cared a shit much at all. It's not about wanting to join whatever the latter did, but it was the trust I implied on that person that hurts mii most. Who am I to trust now? Yes, my family, the only ones I could now and always rely on. On the latter? I wouldn't dare to place my bet on that again. My other friends told mii to let it go and not make such a fuss about that. Well, I did let go, but being left out every time just bothered mii, I was just annoyed by the fact that how things that were once so good had to end just because of one stupid mistake from the latter.

  Being left-out is not something everybody wants. The latter too did once complained to mii about being left out, and the question was, 'If you knew that feeling, why did you still do that to mii?'. Moreover, this is a very special friend to mii, hence this thing that the latter did will grind my heart to bits. If it were someone else, I wouldn't care a single bit at all. It had to be you, it just really had to be you....

  Now to mii, the latter is nothing but a superficial individual, nothing special as it used to be. People do say, 'Once bitten, twice shy'. But this person just won't learn. Stubborn as it is, the latter is still my friend, well technically. I hope for things to turn out right soon. But for this friendship to last long, it would take more than a miracle for this relationship to bond well once again. A new beginning is needed when hope seemed lost, a new beginning, a new life...

Signing off,

Nickel Low C.J.

20/01/2012

Food Story: Wei Kei Roasted Goose Restaurant 伟记饭店深井烧鹅

Food Story: Wei Kei Roasted Goose Restaurant 伟记饭店深井烧鹅: The Famous Roasted Duck!  It all started on a day, mii and a few of my friends (JJ, mii, Beatrice, Siu Yin and Sin Toun) were on the way t...

Food Story: TOKIO KAFE, Cyberjaya - Yummy cakes and cheesed-ba...

Food Story: TOKIO KAFE, Cyberjaya - Yummy cakes and cheesed-ba...: And there you were, wondering what to get for lunch, or dinner perhaps, right in the middle of Cyberjaya (The Intelligent City). Wonde...

Those days back in Foundation CUCMS

For any enquiries about CUCMS, please refer this blog post:

http://nickel-low.blogspot.com/2013/04/life-in-cucms-now-and-then-under-public.html




  It was by then 2009, correct me if I'm wrong, a newbie, an amature, a loner. Oh ya, noticed the 'mii' being changed to 'me'? Haha, had to, coz many of my readers said they didn't understand my favourite 'mii'. Anyway, the point is, it was a totally new environment to mii, with now and then most of my friends will be not only Chinese, but also Indians and Malays being the majority of the lot. 1 Malaysia hence, was well implied in my life for now and then.

From left to right: JJ, Mii, Manmeet, Siu Yin, Beatrice, Sin toun, Welly

  The day of registration at CUCMS started off with mii and my dad turning rounds in our car, trying to find the destined place. Back then, I thought Cyberjaya was too big a place for me, not now of course. Well, you know, that's what they call a 'Lost man's Syndrome'. Upon reaching the gates of my college, I and my family were greeted by the receptionist there. I myself did not sleep the whole night as I was driving the whole way down from Kedah with my dad, hence I was indescribably tired that morning. And it was then I met my 1st classmate with her family, yeah all but Toh Yee Shih! My mum and hers, as usual aunties will do, busy chatting away at first sight. I was introduced to Yee Shih by her mum, and a 'Hi' was all I could manage, I couldn't even remember her name after that, not to even have a chat with her. Well, maybe that's one reason she's been grumpy towards mii ever since, huh Yee Shih? Haha!

From top left to right: Diana, Fatin, U'a, Nadirah, Welly, Beatrice, Alif

  Later on, we had to attend the registration ceremony and speech in the college's auditorium. With my mum and Yee Shih's mum still chattering away, I and my dad slumped into our comfy chairs and started to snooze away. To my mum's horror, my dad started snoring loudy while the speech was being given, at least that's what I heard from my mum after I woke up, and hence the story of my mum trying her best to keep my dad awake! At that moment, I was quite alright with everything going on, there were some cultural shocks though, in which CUCMS stressed on reciting doa (a prayer), while other religions and races prayed accordingly before any activities were carried out. It was new for mii, but certainly well accepted as many of my childhood friends were 'kampung' boys and girls. So for mii, this is an easy hurdle to get through with. 

From top left to right: Irsyad, Jen Boon, Beatrice, Welly, Lecturer (lupa nama, XD), Mii, Ihsan, Alif, Ika, Syukri, Hanif, Majidi, Siu Yin, Zura, Chin Heng, Fatin.

  In the auditorium, that's where I met the my second classmate, Mrs Teoh Siu Yin! (she 'prefers' mii to call her 'Mrs'!  XD). My first impression on her was, she talked too much, and the language she used was rather rojak-ted, with Cantonese, Mandarin, Hokkien and English, all into one! Still vivid in my mind, but I think the first sentence she uttered to mii was, ' Is this your bag? ', refering to my bag on an empty chair. And so, began the journey of 'enduring' the rojak-ted conversation between her and her mum. In between, she and her mum did ask mii a few questions, and it was great to actually have someone, a friend speaking English to mii at last after being so many years in a Chinese school. Her mum was very nice and friendly, as for Siu Yin, too friendly I guess, haha, she just had so much to chatter on. 

From left to right: Hanif, Fatin, Azira

  After the speech, we each headed off with our families to our hostels, where we will be staying there for the whole foundation year. It was during the time we were 'shipped' to our hostels with vans, that I met my Penang friend Manmeet, whom I was with during my Hospital Visit attachment back in Penang, not too long ago. It was cool to finally meet someone I knew before as it was easier for mii to communicate. What's more amazing was, we were once again put together as a team, weird huh how destiny works? When I reached my hostel, I came to my room, where then I met my Foundation housemates, Wan Ilahi, Hanif, Syazwan, Iryshad and Chin Heng. I also met my room-mate, Jen Boon. As of any other typical Chinese-based Chinese guy, squared-faced I thought, he was one which I could really get used to then. But the one that sparked into life was Chin Heng, helping mii move my things around and having chats with my family. Well, it's of no wonder that Chin Heng is the only guy from my batch that my family remembers up till now. Soon, it was time my family left, and there I was alone to explore my new hostel, get to know my new house-mates, staring a whole new beginning!

From left to right: Siu Yin, Han Chuan, Welly, Sin Toun, Mii, Beatrice

  I and my batch-mates-to-be started off our hectic life (I'm in CUCMS for 3 years now and I can say it's more than hectic!) with our orientation, getting to know each other better through activities planned for us. It was great, apart from some of our batch-mates being punished my the seniors to do push-ups and then walk themselves back to their hostel which is so far away from our campus for some unknown reason. For mii, it was really unreasonable and totally nonsense, as if we were in boot camp! It's an ORIENTATION for God's sake! That aside, I met many other of my friends, in which one of them was Beatrice, whom also was my team mate during my Penang attachment. One of the most embarrassing moments for mii was the mistake of recognising JJ as Ooi, as at that time I though they both looked alike! Seriously they do, both from Penang, typical Penang guys! But it was like two in one, and that's where I got to know both of them better through that silly mistake.

From left to right: Welly, Nadirah, Mii, Beatrice

  After the orientation, it was then our first day of class. Exciting it was as it started off perfectly, and I remember the first day I and my house-mates sat at the back together as we were quite late there. Nevertheless, it was a good first day for mii, and for the days to come as well! I was in Class 4F that time, a class so lively, so fun that I couldn't stop laughing everyday. There I met the rest of my 4F friends, each with their character and personalities of their own. They were like a family to mii, and I really could never forget those days where we grouped together in out hostels, having discussions for hilarious sketches and other stuff, an experience that I appreciated so much up till now.

Haka Dance 2009 !!!!

 Foundation was a year for mii to not forget, a really meaningful year for mii. I remembered the time when I taught Ooi to take the bus back to Penang, ending up having lunch with my aunt at a decent restaurant, and soon got to know each other even better. There was another moment when I and Chin Heng took the wrong bus to Alamanda, ending up rounding the whole of Putrajaya! Each with a sparkle of it own, memories not to ever forget. Among classes, we students do mangle with each other, and it would seemed everyone had his or her own story, everyone with a person being matched-made to. It was fun actually to see how things progressed, as friends and batch-mates, we walked hand-in-hand together. 

From top left to right: Hasif, Sin Toun, Pauline, Nichole, Ah Sa, Candy, Mei Yee, Beatrice, Welly, Siu Yin, Yvonne, Pija, Dai Ko

  Then came the defying moment of my life. I still remembered that night, stressed-out with all the assignments piled-up on my table, I received a phone call, asking mii out to a bar nearby. And there was where I met those 3 girls, Candy, Poh Ling and Fei Ting. As in my previous blog, I was like a replacement for Han Chuan as he couldn't attend that night, but what a replacement it was as it turned out Candy and Poh Ling calling mii as 'Ah Kong', becoming the best of friends till this very day! Then began the reign of CJ (that's mii) and the 3 girls who always stuck together, with JJ also in the picture. So, that was that, Candy and Poh Ling persisted as the best friends for mii in CUCMS thus far.

From left to right: Candy, Pauline, Fei Ting

  A moment to take note on was the celebration of my birthday by 4F and my other foundation friends. It was a touching moment for mii as they planned troughly for that. I really couldn't stop thanking them, and it really was a moment for mii to stop and relapse back on every detail that day. Another moment to remember was the day I found my short-lived, but meaningful enough love. Though the details are kept confidential, but I do promise it was wonderful while it lasted. I also had Mr. Eric as my lovely mentor, Doremon was his nickname, and soon, he became more than just a mentor to mii, he was like an older brother to mii, keeping mii out of trouble and helping mii in whichever way he is capable of. Thank You Mr. Eric!

From left to right; Top: Megah, Syazwan

Middle: Hanif, Ihsan, Hasif, JJ, Hussien, Jen Boon, Alif, Iryshad

Botton: Nadirah, Welly, Izdiha, Mr. Eric, Fei Ting, Candy, Kambing, Poh Ling

  Our foundation ended with a climax, where we all got together for a batch-grand-dinner. Unity was felt, and everyone was together, sharing and laughing as a whole. Then, it was our Finals, the final of all Finals. Then after, comes the end of our Foundation life. Felt as if a long time at first, but in the end, it ended too quickly. There were so many more things to explore, so many things more to enjoy, but time had to be the limit. Soon all of us will be in 1st Year of MBBS, and there starts the hectic life. I really missed those foundation years, it was the only time I could really express myself, and I really regret I did not do to the fullest at that moment. No matter how, tears were shed, laughter was created and we could only look back now in envy at our life back in Foundation.

From left to right: Suli, Ooi, Mii, Jen Boon

  Time has passed, some of our friends have left us to pursue their studies at other colleges due to some internal problems, though no matter how, those memories with them will never be forgotten. I myself would love to be back there once again, a time where I really was happy in CUCMS, but then, good things do come to an end and move on shall be the only path to be taken upon. My love for all my friends during Foundation shall be eternal, and for that, a tribute paid from mii to all those that had ever walked through my life, those days back in Foundation CUCMS....

From left to right top: Yappy, Mii, Joey, Mei Yee

Really sorry for those whose pictures or names were not included here, don't worry as I still keep hold each and every bit of memories that I've spent with you guys! And to note, I still really couldn't change my 'mii' to 'me', haha! Take care everyone! XD

Here, a video to remember:

A video to remember!! ^-^

Signing off:
Nickel Low CJ

A Summer's Meet

It's Valentine's Day!! Well, they do say Love At First Sight, and they do say that you'll never forget how the person that you loved was like when you two met each other for the first time. Everything around you stops, your hearts beats up a rhythm, the world, now just you and your partner! Well, I've experienced that before, what about you guys and girls? XD

This poem then describes the feeling at that very moment, written on the 6th of July 2007, this person though now merely a memory, but it's yet an unforgettable one! ^-^

The sun shines brightly,

Glaring its fearsome rays,

Heating up the atmosphere,

On a hot summer's day.

Walking alone on the beach,

Enduring the red-hot sand,

Cooking under my feet,

It's hot,

I know,

As I tried to keep it out of reach.

Then, 

In the distance,

I saw her;

Strolling gorgeously along the shore,

Throwing me a smile that,

I've never before admire so.

As she passed by me,

Love at first sight,

It was all that could be told;

As i tried to keep up,

With her summer stroll.

I bravely stepped up,

To have a few words, 

With her;

And soon after,

We got to know,

Each other.

Her voice was soft and sweet, 

While her eyes were, 

Like glittering diamonds,

Small yet neat!

Around her neck,

Was an amulet,

A symbol of good luck,

Though simple yet, 

Adding up to her natural beauty.

I was lost for words,

When all of a sudden,

She held on to my hand;

And so,

Walking modestly on the bay did I,

With a jewel by my side.

As we walked on,

Hand in hand,

With the sun finally setting,

In the distance,

It was a memorable evening,

For us both,

Of our summer's meet!

Please do ignore any errors in this poem. It was written many years ago, well a time where I just started to write poems and stuff, so this poem was a big leap for mii at that time, all leading up to now! XD

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Take up this opportunity to treasure all those around you, may Love fill the world! Wish you all a really special and wonderful day! XP

Signing off:
Nickel Low C.J.

Tears On A Lonely Valentine’s Day

  Tree leaves rustling outside the window pane, with the wind dancing throughout the cold night. The stars and the moon, them the décor of the pitched-black sky, the night so quiet, silent as time goes by. Ants crawling up and down the wall cracks, drips of water down the toilet sink, accompanied with the soft, slow melodies from my old Sonic Gear speakers, it all seemed to be happening all at once, all at place; and there’s  mii alone, in my room.

  Wiping away tears at my keyboard, (dust really irritates your eyes), the thought of Valentine’s Day, sinks down a part of mii, anchors deep down into my heart-strings, them  the chordea tendini scientifically. With flowers the main course set for this very special occasion and chocolates to add, I missed all those. Missed them did I, not to receive, but to give, to give to a person who one loves most, who that person you’ll do anything for, who that person, tugs strongly to your feelings, the world is by then, nothing but the person you love.

  And there you see couples, scurrying here and there preparing for this very event, a sight really, each trying hard to impress, trying hard to please, and trying hard to make it the best Valentine’s Day ever. 14^th of February, a day which many say that love is in the air; a day many believe where Love is made to last forever. Walking into any shopping areas only made mii realize at that point, I’ve been left out of all the commotion, a commotion I would love to be in with. There, I started to look back, staring blanks at dresses and jewelries and much other such stuff, I know by then, how much I missed all these, though it may never be any help to my budget, but my heart pumps back then for only one, and for only one I was willing to go for anything.

  Hope as much as I could, everything is in tatters now. Memories were blurred by the unforgiving passing time, and though things may fast be forgotten, the urge to love, to care and to like still leaves a trail behind the scars that I once transverse. This year shall be a lonely Valentine’s Day for mii, a path left for mii to travel alone for now, to mend that broken heart.  Good things come and go, but some things are just too good to ever let go. Be it or be it not, being able to be together though not for long is an experience I could never forget. But if given a chance to ever choose again, I really hoped that we’ve never met. Harsh it may sound, but its better off hurting each other, at least for mii, I was devastated.

  Standing at the edge, the brink of a new dawn, it was sweet when it lasted, but it suffered a bitter ending. I’m dried out of tears now, my heart has too cried its lot, but that really has come to an end. Thinking back of all those sweet and bitter times really does make your heart skip a beat, yet for now, I’m happy. Love doesn’t walk alone, and I know there’s one, a right one waiting out there for mii. I’d just need to find that right person, and may that person be my eternity. Who knows life might take a perfect twist, a U-turn, though impossible, but the future holds a mystery, who knows…

  Back to bed I’m going, where there are dreams that I wished hard they were my reality. One thing’s for sure, coming up shall be my lonely Valentine’s Day, and for that, hopefully, my heart shall crack for the last time, tears may trickle to the last drop, for that, tears on a lonely Valentine’s Day….

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone! May each of you find your LOVE on this wonderful occasion! XD

Signing off:
CJ Low