Trust, merely a word with no meaning...

 It's been a long time since I last updated my blog, well mostly coz it's been so hectic lately. Exams, tests, assignments, and studies to cope for, it really takes up a lot of your life. And with the final exams round that freaking corner, life doesn't seem to get any better.

  Well, a little here and a little there, weekends have now becomes a burden to mii. What used to be so enjoyable has now become damn boring. It's not about studies, no, but it's about wrong choices and steps taken in life. Hence starts with a little thing call trust. We humans are very vulnerable to trust. We tend to trust someone whom we think had earned your trust, but then comes the devastating blow where they shun their backs on you, leaving you out and well, you get my point.

  To mii, trust has now turned an evil word. It destroys people's lives, hurt one's feelings and crushes the hopes you pour onto that person. And trusted this person I did, regretting the moment I opened up my heart to this person. Well, I will not reveal the person mentioned, but seriously, this person has gotten onto my nerves. I used to post on FB, trying to express my feelings towards that person, hoping for a change from that person, but to no avail. Some of my friends came up to mii, told mii to quit posting on FB, and adviced mii to express this through my blog, and here I am hammering away at my keyboard with a burdened heart.

  I've hated this place ever since things turned out badly between mii and my ex, everything seemed wrong and not in place. And when I had no where to go, I poured trust on the latter, hoping to ease off some of my problems.Well, till now I don't know whether it's done on purpose or the latter took a wrong step, I was left out from possibly everything! This wasn't the first time the latter has done this to mii, in fact, it was like a selfish habit centered only on their own. It was a challenge for mii, the fact that I had to endure over and over again of the actions from the latter. Devastated, hurt and dissapointed by those actions, I kept that all to my own. It was hard at first, I even stopped talking to the latter, but then it is still that little faith and that thing called friendship that is keeping things from falling apart. Due that, I've forgiven the latter.

  However, what makes things seem unforgivable is that the latter still acts like there was nothing wrong with those actions, still bossing around and till now, still lacks an apology to add. But I'll still swallow all that none sense in despite all that, coz the biggest possible lost was to lose this old friend. What makes mii felt left out due to those actions were during weekends, watching the latter with those bunch of 'selected' people having activities to attend to, and not even asking out for lunch or dinner. I've been with this friend for such a long time now, and it really burns deep inside your heart with what the latter has done to mii. Till now, I kept asking myself, 'Was I not good enough till I was left out of all this?'. The reasons in reply were 'I thought... I thought.... I thought.....', but till now, my so-called good friend couldn't even care to call mii in to join them. Deep down, I know there IS a reason I was left out, it was perfectly planned as some others were not called in too. Well, i guess we're just not good enough that's all.

  Sitting alone wondering every minute kept my mind occupied with all sorts of thoughts and questions. Now, there was no more 'togetherness' in us, there was no more 'we'. All that's left was 'I' and 'You'. To make things worst, the latter every now and then finds mii only when situations are beneficial, and when there wasn't, I wasn't cared a shit much at all. It's not about wanting to join whatever the latter did, but it was the trust I implied on that person that hurts mii most. Who am I to trust now? Yes, my family, the only ones I could now and always rely on. On the latter? I wouldn't dare to place my bet on that again. My other friends told mii to let it go and not make such a fuss about that. Well, I did let go, but being left out every time just bothered mii, I was just annoyed by the fact that how things that were once so good had to end just because of one stupid mistake from the latter.

  Being left-out is not something everybody wants. The latter too did once complained to mii about being left out, and the question was, 'If you knew that feeling, why did you still do that to mii?'. Moreover, this is a very special friend to mii, hence this thing that the latter did will grind my heart to bits. If it were someone else, I wouldn't care a single bit at all. It had to be you, it just really had to be you....

  Now to mii, the latter is nothing but a superficial individual, nothing special as it used to be. People do say, 'Once bitten, twice shy'. But this person just won't learn. Stubborn as it is, the latter is still my friend, well technically. I hope for things to turn out right soon. But for this friendship to last long, it would take more than a miracle for this relationship to bond well once again. A new beginning is needed when hope seemed lost, a new beginning, a new life...

Signing off,

Nickel Low C.J.

20/01/2012