The past has always a way in conjuring up an effort to taunt, haunt or rather bother you. It's those simple, little things that makes your heart skip a beat, trust mii, it really messes up your whole day. Well, for mii, the past has been long forgotten, in fact, I'm coping so much better with all the stress compared to a year ago. Time just flies by, and in a blink of an eye, 2 years passed by just like that.
Dullness isn't really a factor for mii these days, I mean in relationship wise though. Vivid memories just scanned through my thoughts at times, but that's just that. For mii it was an achievement, but through that achievement, I've lied to myself countless times on reality. Deep down that smile portrayed on my face, deep down that happy laughter, deep down to the core of my heart, I am still no other than that person 2 years ago. Lies are the only way to keep mii surviving, to keep mii moving, to push mii through my life. Lies, are they actually my life-line, or a self-destructing drug pondering on limited time?
Back to the fact that little things conjure up a whorl-full of memories, they just pop out of no where. There're just, they're just there you know, you'll never expect them. Little things such as gifts, places that you once visited with the one you loved, upcoming occasions which used to be so special or even small chats about the person you once loved. All these they have the ability, or rather tendency to make you plunge right back into memory lane, blaming yourself for all those things which could be done, and things that you could have done better. For many it would seem meaningless, for some they think it's just minor and needs sorting out and for some, they think the reason for not forgetting is that you can't let go.
Truth is, I can't really let go of everything just like that. Some things just mean too much to mii, and it means even more when only then you realise everything was your fault at that time. People can talk all they want, but when reality kicks in, speech is nothing but a way of making a theoretical statement. Living that life is really what matters most.
But I do take that letting go is the main answer to all my problems, and let go I have. For mii, letting go means being able to accept the way things are, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to get back in good terms and good communications with the latter. In fact, I know that if I do, I'll never have the chance to ever let go, never will this heart die loving even till this day. Many may see it superficially, but few could ever understand that feeling burning deep down inside mii. Today, I plunged myself once again into deep thoughts due to those little things, but that's all. It ends in my thoughts, because it's always gonna be a new day tomorrow and the next day even. Life just has to go on.
Once in a while, you may feel depressed, you may feel hurt thinking back of all your past, but once in a while, you too may feel the warmth, the laughter and the happiness you once shared with the person you loved. That said, I felt happy most of the time being able to share such an experience with such a wonderful person. It's just that some of those times, when you see your friends mangling around with the latter, you feel a sense of left out, left out because what was once yours has now become something you couldn't join in the fun with. It's not about letting go, it's about you unable to understand how such a promising relationship could go so horribly wrong, ending up in such devastating circumstances.
Anyway, wandering around in your thoughts isn't going to change anything, in fact it makes your life miserable. Hence, now and then, it's just recap and go. Life isn't gonna wait for anyone, and that means anyone. A special occasion is coming up, and I would like to indirectly wish an early Happy Birthday in advance. It's sad that I couldn't full-fill my promises, and I'm sorry everything turned up the way we wouldn't want it to be, but life's just so unpredictable, you'll never know what'll happen next. And of course, recap and go, signing off here will mean an end to my memory lane and back to reality, for now that is. All I hope is that the 'mii' in another world, would do so much more better for you right now. Given yet another chance, things would be so much more different... ^-^
Signing off,
Nickel Low CJ
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