It's been a long time since I've written any personal articles, time seems to be chasing mii wherever I go, really need more time I do. Emotions lately are in a bit of a mix, some excitement, anxiety, moodiness, gratefulness, dissapointments and you name the rest. A blend of life is there certainly, and seriously I don't know where to start!
Well, we'll kick-start with some excitement to begin with. Being in the clinical year as a medical student is really, I wouldn't say hectic, but a mixture of ups and downs. Surgery was my first posting, and Hospital Seri Manjung be my destination. Excitement was in the air on my first day stepping into the surgical ward, with patients of all cases, all conditions, lying in them beds awaiting proper treatment. With ward rounds and stuff, the whole ward was like a battle station, each with their own responsibilities at hand to keep the whole ship running.
The personalities in the ward was the way we all wanted it to be; cheery, helpful and certainly giving their best in whatever they do relentlessly. Nevertheless, the ward itself was non-air-conditioned, and there were days where temperatures would spike up leaving you sweating from head to toe, but it might just be the reason those individuals there treat you with that warm feeling. Not only the staff there, even the patients have a part to play in the script. Treating you like real doctors ( I tried to explain to them that I'm a medical student but they would just call you the same ), they always loved a chat, yearning for a person who would listen to their complaints and emotions, treating you with respect and dignity. It just sums up how I enjoyed those days there. Those were the times I felt proud to be involved in a line where, to be seeing patients leaving the hospital with healthy and cheerful faces was in fact a form of satisfaction for mii.
On many occasions, I was taken aback by the fragility of the human life, how one small change could lead to life-terrorizing effects. During my posting in HSM, I witnessed an average of 2 deaths per week. I thought to myself that I was strong, that I could handle such of a matter. But seeing family members of the patient crying, calling his name repeatedly, asking him to wake up, praying, begging on their knees and some standing quietly in a corner with tears trickling, I could feel my eyes getting watery at times. It opens up to mii how damaging ourselves could indirectly then, hurt so many of those who cared and loved us. I picked up the phone and called my mum that night, I did not tell her any of this, but hearing her voice was enough to make mii feel so grateful that I have my love-ones by my side.
Similarly, I felt dissapointed too at times when the life of patients just slipped through our hands. Once, a patient was brought into the A&E after an MVA (motor vehicle accident), and soaked with blood all over, bone fractures to a dozen, his heartbeat was failing. After the insertion of IV fluids, blood, the patient still couldn't defy the outcome. I and my friend were asked to help resuscitate him, giving a few sets of compressions (100 per set) for about 20minutes. But like a blown off candle, it couldn't spark back to life. Walking out of the resuscitation room, and facing the teary parents of the patient, I was once again dissappointed on how weak we humans are. If only we were stronger, if only...
There were ups and downs in the ward itself, and certainly I've learnt so much from there. Drawing blood, setting IV lines, many on which could only be found in the practical way of life. The HO's, MO's and Dr's there were more than happy to help, and it was their attitude that made mii vow to help those upcoming generation of doctors in time to come. This constantly made mii thought of Dr. House in a medical drama series, 'Doing things changes things. Not doing anything leaves things exactly the way they were'. In that case, our knowledge and practical work for instance. Of course, not everyone is as dedicated as they should have been.
Alas, we humans have our flaws as well, nobody's perfect and that proves just much when I was then switched to Hospital Pxxxxx (I'll just keep this a secret, for those who know, well you know) for my next posting venue. This hospital, unlike HSM was well-conditioned, and as if the cold temperature had any effect on the personality of the people here, there are HO's and MO's who wouldn't give a shit to us medical students, let alone teaching us through the procedures. They would scoff, turn a blind eye towards us, and worst of all, put a dent into our dreams and confidence in being a doctor. It bugs mii to think that they once WERE medical students themselves, that they should have the compassion and understanding towards us newbies in this medical world. Why on earth are they treating us as such? Is that one way to get back as us, by treating us the way they were once used to be treated? This is never-ending seriously, and to think that if we ever are to hold that same grudge towards our juniors in future, who knows when this will ever resolve?
Another is they way they treat their patients, yelling at them, making bad jokes and talking behind their backs. This ain't the way I picture doctors to be, nor a way professionals should act. Where's your compassion? Where's your professionalism? Is it because, just by being in a better hospital means you are better than others? I heard my friend who once said that medical students are individuals who hold the most compassion towards mankind. Some truth holds within those words. Maybe for now, we do care, but as we achieve our statuses, our egos will soon take over and then after, we ourselves might indulge into the norm of them doctors, treating people as we wish. I pray hard that I do not become astray, who knows one day, someone might be as well condemning on my ill-attitude.
Not forgetting the patients themselves; in HSM, it was all lovely, cheerful, friendly and respectful, while those in the higher status of the community have issues of themselves. In HSM, no matter what you are, be you a medical student or student nurse, they'll still treat you with the same love and respect they use to treat real doctors. Here, everything is different. Faces change once they know you are still in a learning process, with some not even wanting you near them. It really is sad to see how different people are, how money, wealth and statuses could bring to such drastic effects to the personalities of us humans. It is clear to mii now how immature our species are, and hence all those wars, conflicts and arguments in the past have nothing to make us learn our lesson troughly.
Just 5weeks of clinical posting, and I've started to taste the life that I'll soon attain in near future. It's a long way to go, but I've certainly enjoyed my life for now least to say. There ain't no roads with no bumps; the future full of hurdles and upcoming challenges, and there's no other way except to face them head-on. Be it the points above agreed or not, it's just my point of view as a medical student. Some may beg to differ, others may challenge what I experienced. But to mii, it's a learning process for us, a part and parcel of life. As the motto of CUCMS, 'Nuturing The Passion To Care', well to mii, it just starts from within ourselves to make a difference!
Note: I would like to thx all these awesome individuals in HSM for their dedication and hard work in making mii, (fingers crossed) a better medical student ~~~ Mr Rizal, Mr Sri, Dr Kiashor, Dr Lim, Dr Melissa, Dr Fatimah, Dr Chong and the list goes on and on!
Signing off:
Nickel Low CJ
